FW: Wife 1.0 software alert

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From:Brown Alex <Alex.Brown@aaaht.scot.nhs.uk>
To:HistoNet <Histonet@pathology.swmed.edu>
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Hi All,
	I liked this, so as it's Friday I thought I would share it around (
so to speak ) . I apologise in advance to those who may feel it is
inappropriate for HistoNet.  :)
	Alex Brown
	Crosshouse Hospital
	Kilmarnock, Scotland.


>WIFE 1.0 SOFTWARE ALERT!!
>
>Dear Tech Support:
>
>Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0.  I soon noticed
that
>the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of
space
>and valuable resources.  No mention of this was included with the
product
>information.  In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other
programs
>and now launches during system initialization, where it monitors all
other
>system activity.  Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0,
>Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the
system
>whenever selected.  I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background
while
>attempting to run my favorite applications.  I'm thinking about going
back to
>Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
>
>Please help!!!!!!
>Thanks,
>A Troubled User.
>
>
>REPLY:
>Dear Troubled User:
>
>This is a very common problem that men complain about.  It is due to a
>primary misconception among men.  Many people upgrade from Girlfriend
7.0 to
>Wife 1.0, thinking that it is merely a Utilities and Entertainment
program.
>Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by it's creator to run
>everything!  It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to
>Girlfriend 7.0.  Hidden operating systems files cause Girlfriend 7.0 to
>emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall,
>delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed.  You
>cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not
allow
>this.  Some have tried Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more
>problems than in the original system.  Look in your Wife 1.0 manual
under
>"Warnings--Alimony/Child Support."
>
>I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation.
I
>suggest installing the background application Yes Dear to alleviate
software
>augmentation.  Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest that
you read
>the entire section regarding "General Partnership Faults (GPF?s)." You
must
>assume all responsibility for any faults and problems that occur,
regardless
>of their cause.  You will also find that GPF?s are cyclical.
>
>The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.  Avoid
>excessive use of C:\YES DEAR because ultimately you will have to give
the
>APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Remember
>the system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all
GPF's.
>
>Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
Wife
>1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0,
Cook It
>1.5 (which replaces Burn It 1.0), and Do Bills 4.2.  You must, however,
be
>very careful how you use these programs.  Improper use will cause the
system
>to launch the program NagNag9.5.  Once this happens, the only way to
improve
>the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software.  I
recommend
>Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 should this happen.
>
>WARNING!!!!!
>DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt
3.3.
>This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause
irreversible
>damage to the operating system.  Best of luck, Tech Support
>
>
>



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