Re: This sounds much more interesting than my suggestions! RE: labor atory safety issues
Oh, my! this brings back memories!! Years ago, I worked for a company that
managed employees PRECISELY as you have described. It was absolute H * * *
working there If only I had this wonderful piece of advice when I was
working my guts out for that company, I could at least have had some fun
with them before I left! This piece is precious. It deserves to be framed.
thanks for the laughs
>From: Monson, Frederick C. [mailto:email@example.com]
>Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2002 12:11 PM
>Cc: 'Maria Mejia'
>Subject: RE: laboratory safety issues
> What follows is to some degree intended to be humorous. The
>principles of Management of One's Upline, however, are proven by a lifetime
>of experience and should not be completely ignored when instruction is
>provided. Manipulated with wisdom, they are yours!!!
> Background and Introduction: When we were newly married, my wife
>and I were approached by a friend who was affiliated with AMWAY. One of the
>experiences of life that I learned to articulate from that group was,
>"Edifying one's upline." Now, I was always much more interested in the
>reverse process, and I quickly adapted their articulation to my own, eternal
>predicaments with supervisors. I had developed the capacity, as so many of
>us do, to "Manage my upline" so that I could get my work done, get
>equipment, and get attention. I learned this skill during my tour of duty
>with the Marine Corps, as I rose from Private to Corporal in 15 months
>during a peacetime contraction in the Force.
> The Method. Management of one's Upline comes in three forms: 1)
>Over-compliance; 2) Skillful, marginal compliance, and 3) Non-compliance
>that is NOT recognized as non-compliance (the nuclear weapon of
> To accomplish the first, one must understand the motivation of
>Administrators/Supervisors. First, they want to get THEIR supervisors OFF
>their backs. Second, they DO NOT want to hear, what they consider to be
>noise, from above or below. Third, they will turn on the weakest of their
>subordinates to avoid personal responsibility [This is the administrator's
>way of doing what he/she has been told to do and for which he/she has no
>expertise or experience.]. This last is the hardest behavior to manage
>properly. When this one has happened to me, I have implemented the third of
>my management techniques. However, in order to do this, one ordinarily
>needs to recognize two facts. First, the solution of any problem is too
>expensive to the organization when that solution comes from an inexperienced
>expert, that is why they impose it on someone who lacks the knowledge to
>implement it and why it ultimately resides WITH an inexperienced
>subordinate. Second, one must recognize that in order to implement
>unrecognizable non-compliance, one must admit one's lack of capability and
>knowledge and COMMIT to becoming far more knowledgeable than the CEO
>wanted/expected/hoped for in the first place.
> The implementation of this form of management requires the
>subordinate to become an expert, all the while knowing that the most
>dangerous person in any organization is the one who is an expert without
>experience. Then, the subordinate begins writing documents of compliance
>that reflect the LETTER/highest level of compliance of the law/expectation.
>These documents must be disseminated upwards in the Administrative chain of
>command. By executing this management technique wisely, one can easily
>overwhelm the Administrative hierarchy with the terrorizing necessity to
>make a REAL decision - something that any worthwhile administrator spends a
>lifetime avoiding. If YOU have the assignment, then the assignment was
>always in the hands of those who lack experience and expertise and wanted it
>to GO AWAY! Everything you do will be happily passed upward for a decision,
>IF you properly manage the process.
> YOUR ADVANTAGE is THE most pervasive characteristic of normal
>administrative structures; namely, that no one up there knew enough to make
>a proper assignment. You ARE in charge by a normal default mechanism of
>administrative structures. Most administrators caught in this process do
>not recognize their mistake until it is too late. Proper management by the
>LEAST of those will result in a future administrative decision that goes
>something like this. "Let's assign this job to someone else." On the other
>side of this issue, at their expense, you will have become an inexperienced
>expert in matters that increasingly require expert attention. Go consult!
> In the case of laboratory safety in particular, one merely has to BE
>an inexperienced expert to succeed with the third method of upline
>management. Documents reflecting the letter of the law and letters - a
>paper trail - that demonstrate over-competence (NEVER welcome in such
>situations), and estimates, quotations from monitoring and sterilizing firms
>with justifications replete with reasons both legal and practical that such
>jobs must be farmed out, and, finally, at budget time, the worst stroke of
>all, the request for a substantial amount of money to support the in-house
>safety program (web site development, a computer, pay for computers and
>databases of dangerous/hazardous chemicals, proper hazard control in every
>lab, egress routes, and safety-oriented hazardous chemical acquisition
>methods. Recommendations for safe storage that create a hazard to
>administrative sanity and will require the construction of isolated,
>monitored and explosion proof storage buildings, and finally, the one that
>ultimately knocks them dead: an explosion-proof refrigerator in every lab.
>The whole panoply of REASONABLE and NECESSARY safety measures can cost
>millions, and certainly tens of thousands, and this is just in your home!
>It is also absolutely critical to NEVER, NEVER request more salary. This is
>a dead giveaway that you are 'jobbing' them! Outline the problem of safety
>as you see it, then expand the outline to include every 'unsafe' matter that
>you can 'see' or find defined. Now the cool part. Each of these items in
>the outline - every twig and branch get attention in a document - as many as
>you can manage without showing complete insensitivity to the local tree
>population. Volume and frequency of upward migrating information are the
>cornerstone of this approach. You must appear to be working yourself to
>death on their assignment. Build a record of excellence that will literally
>bury them. Teach them and keep a record of what you are doing. Give safety
>lectures and structure them according to the letter of the law, which YOU
>must obey in this job with such AWESOME responsibility. [When I was in the
>Marine Corps, I was assigned the task of giving lectures to the 'troops'
>about "personal hygiene" when on leave, because I had college microbiology.
>After the STD film was done, I taught them about the encystment of
>gonococcus and antibiotic resistance. Through my diligence and attention to
>detail, I was quickly replaced by another college man who had no courses in
>biology. Again, management of my upline had worked like a charm. I was
>back playing bridge after only one "lecture". In this instance, I think I
>used a combination of methods 1 and 3.
> I know of no better way than this to enable your rapid return to
>that for which you were trained and hired. At the first sign of
>over-competence in an area that administrators want to see disappear your
>reassignment becomes practically assured. If THEY are serious, on the other
>hand, the third strategy backfires, but then they can neither afford to take
>your recommendations or to see you leave for the job you were just offered
>by that head hunter.
>Frederick C. Monson, PhD
>The best research
>Center for Advanced Scientific Imaging
>occurs before work
>West Chester University
>at the bench.
>West Chester, Pennsylvania, USA, 19383
>> From: Maria Mejia
>> Sent: Tuesday, January 22, 2002 2:49 PM
>> To: firstname.lastname@example.org
>> Subject: laboratory safety issues
>> Hello Everyone!
>> I need some advise and assistance regarding laboratory safety issues and
>> the role of the Safety Officer. I'm a neurohistologist that works 75%.
>> For several
>> months, I've been working on a detail chemical hygiene plan for our
>> institute in
>> addition to my histology work. I even started a library of various
>> safety books and
>> safety videotapes for everyone to use at the institute. In addition to
>> my histology
>> duties (which currently dip and peak depending on the research project &
>> PI), I've
>> also been assigned the safety duties for the institute, that includes
>> providing safety
>> training sessions for EVERYONE at the institute.
>> I was told by administration that all this is all part of my job as a
>> histologist. I say it's
>> above and beyond and my salary should be adjusted to reflect this. Am I
>> Please any assistance or suggestions you can provide will be greatly
>> Now, I've gone through all my safety literature and no one talks about
>> salary for the
>> Safety Officer they only list and it's a long list of duties.
>> Maria Mejia
>> Smith-Kettlewell Eye Res. Inst
Veterinary Diagnostics Lab
Utah State University
fax (435) 797-2805
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