An off-topic follow-up

From:Alex Knisely

Marriott Edgar 

                      You've 'eard 'ow young Albert Ramsbottom,
                      In the Zoo up at Blackpool one year
                      With a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle
                      Gave a lion a poke in the ear? 

                      The name of the lion was Wallace,
                      The poke in the ear made 'im wild;
                      And before you could say "Bob's your Uncle,"
                      'E'd up and 'e'd swallowed the child. 

                      'E were sorry the moment 'e'd done it;
                      With children 'e'd always been chums,
                      And besides, 'e'd no teeth in his noddle,
                      And 'e couldn't chew Albert on t'gums. 

                      'E could feel the lad movin' inside 'im,
                      As 'e lay on 'is bed of dried ferns,
                      And it might 'ave been little lad's birthday-
                      'E wished 'im such 'appy returns. 

                      But Albert kept kicking and fighting, 
                      Till Wallace arose, feeling bad.
                      And felt it were time that 'e started
                      To stage a comeback for the lad. 

                      So with 'is 'ead down in a corner,
                      On 'is front paws 'e started to walk,
                      And 'e coughed and 'e sneezed and 'e gargled,
                      'Till Albert shot out like a cork. 

                      Old Wallace felt better direc'ly,
                      And 'is figure once more became lean,
                      But the only difference with Albert
                      Was 'is face and 'is 'ands were quite clean. 

                      Meanwhile Mister and Missus Ramsbottom
                      'Ad gone home to tea, feelin' blue;
                      Ma says "I feel down in the mouth like."
                      Pa says, "Aye, I bet Albert does, too." 

                      Said Ma "It just goes for to show yer
                      That the future is never revealed;
                      If I'd thought we was goin' to lose 'im
                      I'd 'ave not 'ad 'is boots soled and 'eeled." 
                                                                "Let's look
on the bright side," said Father;
                                                                "What can't
be 'elped must be endured;
                                                                Every cloud
'as a silvery lining,
                                                                And we did
'ave young Albert insured." 

                                                                A knock on
the door came that moment,
                                                                As Father
these kind words did speak.
                                                                'Twas the
man from t'Prudential - 'e'd called for
tuppence per person per week. 

                                                                When Father
saw 'oo 'ad been knockin',
                                                                'E laughed,
and 'e kept laughin' so 
                                                                That the
young man said "'What's there to laugh at?"
                                                                Pa said
"You'll laugh an' all when you know." 

                                                                "Excuse 'im
for laughing," said Mother,
really, things 'appen so strange -
Albert's been ate by a lion;
                                                                You've got
to pay us for a change." 

                                                                Said the
young feller from the Prudential,
                                                                "Now, come,
come, let's understand this-
                                                                You don't
mean to say that you've lost 'im?"
                                                                Ma says
"Oh, no! we know where 'e is." 

                                                                When the
young man 'ad 'eard all the details,
                                                                A purse
from 'is pocket he drew,
                                                                And 'e paid
them, with int'rest and bonus,
                                                                The sum of
nine pounds, four and two. 

                                                                Pa 'ad
scarce got 'is 'and on the money
                                                                When a face
at the window they see,
                                                                And Mother
says "Eeh! look, it's Albert."
                                                                And Father
says "Aye, it would be." 

Albert came in all excited,
                                                                And started
'is story to give,
                                                                And Pa says
"I'll never trust lions
                                                                Again, not
as long as I live." 

                                                                The young
man from the Prudential
                                                                To pick up
the money began,
                                                                And Father
says "Eeh! just a moment,
                                                                Don't be in
a 'urry, young man." 

                                              Then giving young Albert a
                                              He said "Pop off back to the
                                              "'Ere's yer stick with the
'orse's 'ead 'andle-
                                              Go and see wot the Tigers can

Alex K

Alex Knisely, MD
Consultant Histopathologist


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