An off-topic follow-up
You've 'eard 'ow young Albert Ramsbottom,
In the Zoo up at Blackpool one year
With a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle
Gave a lion a poke in the ear?
The name of the lion was Wallace,
The poke in the ear made 'im wild;
And before you could say "Bob's your Uncle,"
'E'd up and 'e'd swallowed the child.
'E were sorry the moment 'e'd done it;
With children 'e'd always been chums,
And besides, 'e'd no teeth in his noddle,
And 'e couldn't chew Albert on t'gums.
'E could feel the lad movin' inside 'im,
As 'e lay on 'is bed of dried ferns,
And it might 'ave been little lad's birthday-
'E wished 'im such 'appy returns.
But Albert kept kicking and fighting,
Till Wallace arose, feeling bad.
And felt it were time that 'e started
To stage a comeback for the lad.
So with 'is 'ead down in a corner,
On 'is front paws 'e started to walk,
And 'e coughed and 'e sneezed and 'e gargled,
'Till Albert shot out like a cork.
Old Wallace felt better direc'ly,
And 'is figure once more became lean,
But the only difference with Albert
Was 'is face and 'is 'ands were quite clean.
Meanwhile Mister and Missus Ramsbottom
'Ad gone home to tea, feelin' blue;
Ma says "I feel down in the mouth like."
Pa says, "Aye, I bet Albert does, too."
Said Ma "It just goes for to show yer
That the future is never revealed;
If I'd thought we was goin' to lose 'im
I'd 'ave not 'ad 'is boots soled and 'eeled."
on the bright side," said Father;
be 'elped must be endured;
'as a silvery lining,
And we did
'ave young Albert insured."
A knock on
the door came that moment,
these kind words did speak.
man from t'Prudential - 'e'd called for
tuppence per person per week.
saw 'oo 'ad been knockin',
and 'e kept laughin' so
young man said "'What's there to laugh at?"
"You'll laugh an' all when you know."
for laughing," said Mother,
really, things 'appen so strange -
Albert's been ate by a lion;
to pay us for a change."
young feller from the Prudential,
come, let's understand this-
mean to say that you've lost 'im?"
"Oh, no! we know where 'e is."
young man 'ad 'eard all the details,
from 'is pocket he drew,
And 'e paid
them, with int'rest and bonus,
The sum of
nine pounds, four and two.
scarce got 'is 'and on the money
When a face
at the window they see,
says "Eeh! look, it's Albert."
says "Aye, it would be."
Albert came in all excited,
'is story to give,
And Pa says
"I'll never trust lions
as long as I live."
man from the Prudential
To pick up
the money began,
says "Eeh! just a moment,
Don't be in
a 'urry, young man."
Then giving young Albert a
He said "Pop off back to the
"'Ere's yer stick with the
'orse's 'ead 'andle-
Go and see wot the Tigers can
Alex Knisely, MD
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