Had to pass on............
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Glad you liked it. Someone sent me the male version in reply, so I
thought I'd pass it on.
Software Alert: Husband 1.0
> >>>> Dear Tech Support:
> >>>> Help!! Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 > to Husband 1.0 and
> noticed that the new program began making unexpected
> changes to the accounting software; severely limiting access to wardrobe,
> flower and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under
> Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the
> brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable
> such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and
> new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, Saturday Football
> Golf 2.4 and Clutter Everywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer
> runs, and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will
> Diaper Changing 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging
> 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this general purpose utility is of limited
> effectiveness. Can you help, please!!!!
> >>>> Signed
> >>>> Jane
> >>>> Dear Jane:
> >>>> This is a very common problem our female customers complain about,
> it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from
> >>>> to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an
>>>> However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its
> >>>> to run as few applications as possible.
> >>>> Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0,
because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files
within your system
would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained.
>>>> It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from
once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per
> >>>> year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages
> >>>> and a normal part of Husband 1.0. In desperation to play some of
> >>>> time" favorite applications, or to get new applications to work,
some women have
> >>>> tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0.
> However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with
> Husband 1.0. Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child
> will notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with
> I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks
of this strange
> >>>> and illogical system. Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might
also suggest you read the entire section regarding --General Partnership
This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the
company as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must
> assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of
> root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command "C:\ I
THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME".
> >>>> Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the
>>>> > >>>> Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and
TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create
additional and more serious
> GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a "C:\I APOLOGIZE" command
> system will return to normal operations.
>>>> > >>>> Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence
2.5, or worse yet,
to Beer 6.0. Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to
create FatBelly files
and Snoring Loudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save
trouble by following this tech tip!
>>>> Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for
all GPFs, but because
of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications
Boyfriend 5.0 ran.
Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and
cannot learn new
> applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve
> personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used
> conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running
> several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find
> valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2
> BestFriend 7.6.
> >>>> A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install
> >>>> MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will
cause selective shutdown of
> >>>> the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and
> >>>> until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.
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