Hi,
    Glad you liked it.  Someone sent me the male version in reply, so I
thought I'd pass it on.
        Alex.
        Kilmarnock, Scotland.

Software Alert: Husband 1.0

> >>>> Dear Tech Support:
> >>>>
> >>>> Help!! Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 > to Husband 1.0 and
> noticed that the new program began making unexpected
> changes to the accounting  software; severely limiting access to wardrobe,
> flower and jewelry  applications that operated flawlessly under
> Boyfriend 5.0.  No mention  of  this phenomenon was included in the
product
> brochure.  In addition,  Husband  1.0 uninstalls many other valuable
programs
> such as DinnerDancing 7.5,  CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and
installs
> new, undesirable  programs   such as PokerNight 1.3,  Saturday Football
5.0,
> Golf 2.4 and Clutter  Everywhere 4.5.   Conversation 8.0 no longer
> runs, and invariably  crashes  the  system.  Under no circumstances will
it run
> Diaper Changing 14.1 or  HouseCleaning 2.6.  I've tried running Nagging
> 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0,  but  this general purpose utility is of limited
> effectiveness.  Can you help,  please!!!!
> >>>>
> >>>>      Signed
> >>>>       Jane
> >>>>
> >>>>  Dear Jane:
> >>>>
> >>>> This is a very common problem our female  customers complain about,
but
> it  is  mostly due to a primary misconception.  Many  people upgrade from
Boyfriend  5.0
> >>>> to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0  is merely an
ENTERTAINMENT  package.
>>>> However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and  was designed by its
creator
> >>>> to run as few applications as possible.
> >>>>
> >>>> Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and  return to Boyfriend 5.0,
because  Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this.  Hidden  operating files
within  your  system
would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate  Husband 1.0, so nothing is  gained.
>>>> It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge  the program files from
the  system,
once installed.  Any new program files  can only be installed  once  per
> >>>> year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited  memory.  Error messages
are  common,
> >>>> and a normal part of Husband 1.0.  In  desperation to play some of
their  "old
> >>>> time" favorite applications, or to get new  applications to work,
some  women  have
> >>>> tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0.
>  However, these women  end  up  with more problems than encountered with
> Husband 1.0.   Look in your  manual  under "Warnings: Divorce/Child
Support".  You
> will notice that this  program  runs  very poorly, and comes bundled with
HeartBreak
> 1.3.
>             I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just  learn the quirks
of this  strange
> >>>> and illogical system.   Having Husband 1.0  installed myself, I might
also  suggest you read the entire section regarding --General Partnership
Faults- (GPFs).
This is a wonderful feature of Husband  1.0, secretly  installed by  the
parent
company as an integral part of the  operating system.  Husband 1.0   must
>  assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and  problems, regardless of
> root  cause.   To activate this great feature enter the  command "C:\ I
THOUGHT YOU  LOVED  ME".
> >>>> Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously  while entering the
> command.
>>>> > >>>> Husband 1.0 should then run the applications  Apologize 12.3 and
Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.
TECH TIP!  Avoid  excessive use of this  feature.  Overuse can create
additional and more serious
> GPFs, and ultimately YOU  may  have   to give a  "C:\I APOLOGIZE" command
before the
> system will return to   normal  operations.
>>>> > >>>> Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default  to GrumpySilence
2.5, or  worse yet,
to Beer 6.0.   Beer 6.0 is a very  bad program that causes  Husband 1.0  to
create FatBelly files
and Snoring Loudly  wave files that are very  hard   to  delete. Save
yourself some
trouble by following  this tech tip!
> >>>>
>>>> Just remember! The system will run smoothly,  and take the blame for
all  GPFs, but because
of this fine feature it can  only intermittently run  all  the  applications
Boyfriend 5.0 ran.
 Husband 1.0 is  a great program, but it  does  have limited memory and
cannot learn new
> applications quickly.  Consider  buying  additional software to improve
performance. I
> personally recommend  HotFood  3.0,  Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1.  Used
in
> conjunction, these utilities  can  really  help keep Husband 1.0 running
smoothly.  After
> several years of use,  Husband 1.0  will become familiar and you will find
many
> valuable embedded features  such  as  FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2
and
> BestFriend 7.6.
> >>>>
> >>>> A final word of caution!  Do NOT, under any  circumstances, install
> >>>> MotherInLaw  1.0.  This is not a supported application, and  will
cause selective  shutdown of
> >>>> the operating system.  Husband 1.0 will run  only Fishing 9.4 and
Hunting  5.2
> >>>> until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.
> >>>>