This is especially for John - from - Shandon ( I know you're listening )
Ronnie Houston and Bryan Hewlett.
Thought you guys might appreciate this one.  Apologies to everyone else, I
didn't have all the E-mail addresses.
	Alex Brown
	Kilmarnock, Scotland.

Subject:        Star Wars in Glasgae.
>>
>>      What would happen if Star Wars was set in Glasgow.
>>
>>      Chewbacca would look roughly the same except he'd only be about 5ft
>>      tall, from Blackhill and called Shug. He'd have the same amount of
>>      body hair but would also have tattoos, would permanently smell of
>>      drink and invariably sport a Rangers top.
>>
>>      Obi-Wan Kenobi would invariably be referred to as Chief or Big Yin
>>      by his cohorts. People trying to start a fight with him would
>>      address him as Wanky-Nobby.
>>
>>      Darth Vader would referred to as 'Auld Helmet Heid' or in moments
>>      of stress 'That Dome-Heided Basturd'.
>>
>>      R2D2 would refuse to go out on the streets after 10pm because of
>>      the number of drunks who would try to stuff chip papers in his head
>>      casing or piss on him. He would also refuse to go near groups of
>>      wee boys at any time because of the high risk of being spray
>>      painted/dumped in front of a speeding train/set on fire.
>>
>>      Although proficient in over 3500 languages C3P0 would still be
>>      unable to understand anything anyone from the East End of Glasgow
>>      said. He would regularly get beaten up for being a 'greetin-faced
>>      poof fae Milngavie'. The Millenium Falcon would have static strips,
>>      tinted windscreens and extra-flared exhaust ports. It would have a
>>      Daily Record I Love Scotland sticker in the back window and a
>>      saltire bumper sticker.
>>
>>      Princess Leia would get captured by Darth Vader because it's hard
>>      to run very fast when you're wearing 5inch platform heels and a
>>      tiny silver mini-skirt which keeps hiking up over your arse every
>>      two steps. And you've been a heavy smoker since you were 6.
>>
>>      The best way to detroy the Death Star would not necessarily be a
>>      desperate all out attack. Two easy ways would be
>>
>>      * Alter its orbit so it passed through Bridgeton and tell the
>>      locals it was full of kafflicks
>>
>>      * Leave it unattended in Easterhouse.
>>
>>
>>      Lines from the film as they would be uttered in the vernacular:-
>>
>>      Han Solo
>>      "I've got a real bad feeling about this"
>>      "Ah'm shitin' ma sel' here boy"
>>
>>      "Bring 'em on! I prefer a straight fight to all this sneaking
>>      around."
>>      "Come right ahead then ya bams! Fight the f**ing lot o ye!"
>>
>>      "There's no mystical energy field controls my destiny."
>>      "The Force?!! D'youse think ah came doon wi the rain?!"
>>
>>      "Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good
>>      blaster at your side, kid."
>>      "Nae messin aboot wi the god squad and auld rubbish, wee man. Get
>>      yersel' a decent shooter"
>>
>>      Darth Vader trying to shoot down Luke Skywalker
>>      "The Force is strong in this one"
>>      "Stop shooglin' ya wee b*stad!"
>>
>>      Princess Leia
>>      "You're a little short for a Stormtrooper aren't you?"
>>      "Ah didny think they took short-erses in the polis?"
>>
>>      "This bucket of bolts is never going to get us past that blockade."
>>      "Wuv goat NAE chance in this pile o' sh*te"
>>
>>      Admiral Motti
>>      "Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerer's ways, Lord Vader."
>>      "You think you're that hard, Vader so ye do. Well we're no feart ae
>>      you!"
>>
>>      Obi Wan
>>      "I felt a great disturbance in the Force."
>>      "F*** me! whit wiz aw that?"
>>
>>      Luke to the Emperor
>>      "Your overconfidence is your weakness."
>>      "Oh ye bloody think so?, i'll make you feel the f***ing force
>>      pal!!"
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